We hope you will feel that you have begun to look at mortality and what it may be like to provide care to someone with a terminal illness. We can't prepare for everything and it is hard to say how you may react in the actual situation, but commonly we struggle with what to say or what to do when meeting with someone who has a terminal illness.

Person-centred approach to helping those with terminal illness

Even amid a patient's most trying moments, compassionate attention and effective communication, built on trust and collaboration, can significantly enhance their situation and reshape their perspective on the value of their life. Person-centred care recognizes the inherent worth of each individual as a self-governing and distinct social entity (Sharoff, 2004).

Psychologist and counsellor, Carl Rogers, developed the Person-centred theory of counselling which is founded on the principles of:

Accurate empathy: showing that we connect with and are making the effort to understand what it is like to walk in our client’s shoes.
Unconditional Positive Regard: trusting in our client having the intrinsic ability to grow without any conditions from us on what they need to do to make this happen.
Congruence: in the time we are meeting with the client, we are completely ourselves as a person and practitioner, giving our full and genuine attention.

Remembering these three foundations of person-centred engagement will help you bring in the skills and connection needed when working with a client who has a terminal illness.

Ways to Communicate with Someone Who is Dying (Cancer Council NSW, 2023)

Listen Actively: Allow the person to express their thoughts and feelings about dying, their fears, or their plans. Avoid steering the conversation towards your own expectations or hopes.
Maintain Normalcy: Engage in regular conversation and talk about their current life and others in it. This reinforces their continued importance of them in the lives of others.
Avoid False Optimism: Refrain from overly optimistic statements like “You’ll be up in no time.” These can prevent meaningful discussions about their true feelings and concerns.
Apologise for Mistakes: If you feel you've said something wrong, apologise sincerely.
Accept Emotions: Understand that crying or expressing anger are natural responses to the situation. Normalise and let them know that their emotions are not something that cause you discomfort and it's a safe space to express them.
Ask Questions: Invite the questions with a question, e.g., "Would you like to talk about how you are feeling?" instead of "How are you feeling?"
Encourage Reminiscence: If they are able and interested, encourage them to talk about their life and memories. This can affirm the significance of their life and their legacy.
Provide Companionship: Sometimes, your presence is the most comforting thing. You may have a treatment plan to follow, but in this moment they may just want the company of another person.

References:

Winkler, W. (ed.) (2023). Facing end of life: A guide for people dying with cancer, their families and friends. Cancer Council NSW.

Funeralwise. (n.d.). Steve Irwin’s eulogy: Presented by his daughter, Bindi Irwin. Funeralwise. Retrieved December 19, 2023, from https://www.funeralwise.com/celebration-of-life/eulogy/irwin-bindi/

Sharoff, K. (2004). Coping skills therapy for managing chronic and terminal illness. Springer Publishing Company, Inc. https://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/canberra/detail.action?docID=423607